Love and dating

This last week, my students performed plays for their midterm exam. They had the option of choosing any topic that we’d covered in class so far this term. Topics included things like beauty, love/relationships, Earth Day, stereotyping, etc. Most of the topics were intended to get students thinking on their own and changing their minds about important issues, but that’s another blog…

I ended up a bit confounded that 75% of the groups chose the topic Love and Dating for their play. I was even more confounded that they all had exactly the same plot, although the insignificant details differed. Here’s how they all went:

1. Boy meets girl
2. Boy meets another girl
3. First girl finds out about second girl
4. Second girl finds out about first girl
5. Both girls leave boy
6. Boy’s reaction differs—often sadness, usually begging one of the girls to come back, one suicide

I think the oddity of 15 different groups from 4 different classes writing exactly the same play says a lot about cultural stereotypes on dating. The weird thing was that these weren’t only girls writing/performing the plays. One group of all boys wrote this play too. So these ideas about how relationships are “supposed to go” are pretty commonly accepted by both genders.

So what exactly does this say about love and dating in China? That every woman will be betrayed by a man? That all men want more than one woman? And what does the ending mean? Is it a realistic ending or is it an idealistic ending? Do the women really leave the men and do the men really feel grief when the women leave? Lots of questions… And I don’t have the answers.

I find the whole thing really sad. I can only conclude that girls go into relationships expecting betrayal because that’s what their culture says is okay. (I have heard many students say that it’s common (accepted?) that a boy have more than one girlfriend and that a man have a mistress after marriage, but I don’t know how often it really happens.) But in the guys’ defense, the girls here are kind of annoying in relationships. I mean, I wouldn’t want to date them. Most are whiney, prone to public fits, clingy, and very easily upset. They expect boyfriends to carry purses, lift heavy objects, provide emotional support, pay for every dinner, buy gifts, etc. And if they don’t… watch out! Foot stomping, purse throwing, loud wailing, and screaming will ensue.

But still… it’s just sad that girls have to expect the very high likelihood that they’ll be cheated on. It’s a pretty bleak future.